All these years, especially these years since I have accepted Christ, I have been living under the assumption that I pretty much had a handle on things. No, I never thought I was even close to perfect, but I admit that I did think I was pretty darn good most of the time. Smart, Kind, Generous, even usually courteous. Open to growth even. I know that there's something about me that rubs some people the wrong way. I figured it was an inhibition issue (usually tied to my mouth). I prayed about it. I asked God to help me know how to change. I refer to myself as a work in progress... without actually making any progress.
I sit in judgement of unkind, impatient, unforgiving, rude, arrogant, selfish people while I should have been falling on my face from the pole in my own eye. Yes, I even nod my head in agreement when that post/ speck story comes up, thinking of the "other guy" all the while.
Scales have been falling from my eyes this week. I am so grateful for a God who is the giver of infinity chances. Who I know loves me even when I am unlovable and have been a sorry excuse for a lover of his children, especially those he has entrusted to me: My husband, my kids, my family, my friends. Please join me in praying that those scales will not grow back. That I really will stay open to growth. That I will remain a workable lump of clay as long as I have a breath in me. I have a lot to make up for as I go and I hope that I encounter grace as I do. The beautiful thing is that, though I don't deserve it, I know I will encounter that grace because I have been so abundantly blessed with amazing people in my life.
If you are one of those amazing people (and you probably are if you've cared enough to read this) then I hope you will be patient with me as I strive to grow, and to care for you as I should. I am so grateful for you.
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